The holiday season can be a difficult time for many people. Whether this is your first holiday without a loved one, are back home for the holidays, have some difficult family members, or are spending the holidays with friends or apart from family, this time of year is not always easy. It’s common to feel a wide range of emotions during this time but there are ways to pay attention to our needs and take care of ourselves during the holiday season. Below are some ways to help navigate the more difficult experiences that may come up for some of us.
Setting boundaries with family/loved ones, and making space for yourself.
Boundaries often come with the connotation of being a strict wall between you and another person or situation. However, boundaries are a way to help improve communication and approach different situations in a way that is best for you. When navigating boundaries, I often reflect on a quote by Prentis Hemphill: “boundaries are the distance I can love both you and me simultaneously”. Setting boundaries can also be related to situations. Being able to disengage in certain situations, choosing what you go to, or what and how you share different information can be boundaries you establish with yourself. When setting boundaries, it’s important to remember to communicate what the boundary is and its purpose.
Navigating difficult emotions
During the holiday season, difficult emotions such as grief, loneliness, and/or distance are just as common as the feelings of joy and community. Grief is a cyclical process and can bring up reminders of loved ones or times that we miss. We can attend to these feelings by taking a moment to reflect on memories, continue traditions that you’ve established, and process the feelings that come up, either alone or with others.
Your body can help you identify when you’re experiencing difficult emotions. Some indications include: tightness in your chest, difficulty breathing, locking your jaw or grinding your teeth, through tension in your shoulders or neck, fidgeting with your hands/arms, a bouncing leg, or not feeling comfortable in one spot. Paying attention to how your body feels can be a good way to know when to step away to journal or open up your Notes app to acknowledge and process these feelings, or even creating space through yoga or meditation to leave behind what is not working for you. While you may be pulled in many directions, try to find moments in each day to sit with and check in with yourself. Whether it’s a 45 minute yoga routine or a 5 minute meditation, being able to take these little moments to check in and recharge can help reduce stress and feelings of anxiety.
Communication is always important.
Moving through challenging conversations may also occur during the holiday season. When navigating what we perceive as a personal slight or offensive comment, it can be hard to respond in a calm manner. To respond in a way that can potentially lower tensions, keep the
GIVE acronym in mind.
Example:
G - Gentle
- Meet the person with respect and kindness. If you want to avoid the other person judging,
interrupting, or threatening, do the same back. Making I statements shows to the other person how their words/actions have impacted you, and can come off as less accusatory.
- Ex: Instead of “you really hurt me when you said that”, phrase it as “I feel disrespected
and hurt when you say things like that”.
I - Interest
- Keep eye contact, direct body language towards who is speaking, and engage in active
listening.
- Ex: Nodding along or reflecting what was said back for clarification.
V - Validation
- Validate the other person’s experience by showing that you can understand their
background and perspective
- Ex: “I know that this is hard to hear,”or “I know that this is a big change, but I hope you
can respect my decision”
E - Easy Mannered
- If appropriate and congruent with how you feel, use humor or a light tone. Every situation is different and figuring out how to respond may depend on your capacity and comfortability. If you feel unable or uncomfortable with responding, it can be a good time to
practice boundary setting or stepping away until you’re ready to reengage.
This time of year is characterized by giving and service to others, but do not forget to give back to yourself as well!
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